Five Ways to Support Your Patients Experiencing Pregnancy Loss

Introduction

Healthcare providers have the incredible opportunity to support patients during pregnancy loss and make a long-lasting impact. We created this guide because data tells us supporting a grieving patient is among the most difficult situations to be in as a healthcare provider. This guide will help educate and empower you to make a positive long-lasting impact with your patients. Here are five best practices when supporting a patient experiencing pregnancy loss.

Use the right language

Using the correct language can play an enormous role to take the pressure off you and help the patient feel heard, understood, and supported.

Here are some phrases you can start with:

“I’m so sorry for the loss of your son.” 

“I’m here to support your grieving journey ahead.”

“Your grief is unique to you. There’s no wrong feeling.”

“It’s perfectly normal to experience grief in waves. It comes and goes over time.”

“My priority is to support you. How can I be here for you right now?”

“What’s the hardest part for you right now?”

“Do you have any questions I can answer right now?”

We all want more than anything to feel heard and understood. A good way to help your patient feel heard is simply providing an opportunity for them to share.                                                                           

Pro tip: Avoid triggering words/phrases such as spontaneous abortion, fetal demise, it wasn’t meant to be, it could be worse, and this happens all the time. This is a life-changing event and their loss needs to be acknowledged, not minimized.

Meet them at their level

Approach the patient with a quiet presence taking your cues from them. Try to be flexible. Some patients want to talk while others prefer space.

Educating your patient

Education is important (postpartum bleeding, anxiety, depression, etc.). Also important is delivering this sensitive information at the appropriate time. Find a time when they are calm and ready to listen. If you’re unsure, a good approach is simply asking, “I wanted to share what to look out for over the next few weeks with changes in your body. Is now a good time?”

Pro tip: When a patient shares something vulnerable, respond gratefully and sincerely saying “thank you for telling me about how this experience is impacting you.”

Grief and Shame

Your patients are going to experience grief in their own unique way. It’s normal for your patients to experience thoughts about guilt and shame. Here’s a way to approach this subject:

“Your grief is a journey. Emotions rise and pass like waves in the ocean. Feel it and watch it pass. Begin to trust it’s not going to overpower you. It’s going to pass.”

“You might wonder if there was something you could have done to prevent it from happening. If that happens, remind yourself this wasn’t your fault.”

Pro tip: Acknowledge the patient’s baby and use the word “baby.” This helps validate the patient’s feelings. Avoid referring to the baby in the past tense, instead using the present tense (“is” instead of “was”).

Listen

In grieving situations, it can often feel uncomfortable for the one who isn’t grieving. Remember, it’s perfectly fine to just listen and not feel the need to fill the silence. A great tactic by Brené Brown is just saying, “tell me more.” 

Remove the weight off your shoulders that you need to have all the answers. A patient is looking for someone to support them and understand their pain. Listening goes a long way to help a patient feel heard and understood.

Here are some good “listening” responses after a patient opens up to you.

“Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“This must hurt so much.”

“I really appreciate your perspective.”

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

Pro tip: Try not to feel uncomfortable if this is followed by a few moments of silence. It allows each person to feel the pain of what was shared.

Body language

Body language helps demonstrate empathy. Bedside manner is a great opportunity to show the patient you care.

Sit at eye level with your patient when talking to them. Especially during important conversations.

When appropriate, a positive touch can be very effective:

Holding their hand

A hug when appropriate (it’s okay to ask)

A hand on their shoulder

Pro tip: Help your patient by keeping eye contact. It can be tempting to want to look away when it’s silent or uncomfortable. Keeping your focus on them helps show
you care.

Offer a Gift

A small gift as a gesture can have a very positive impact. Something the patient can take home to remind them of the staff who care about them. If possible, sign a card from the staff.

We have designed a revolutionary bereavement gift box at Forget Me Not. The exterior of each box has a set of instructions for the staff including a QR code with video training. 

We have two bereavement boxes. A large box for mothers experiencing a pregnancy loss after 22 weeks and a small box for a pregnancy loss before 22 weeks. 

Lastly, don’t forget yourself. 

Remember to take time for yourself by “keeping your tank filled.” In addition to meeting your basic needs, identify what brings you joy and relieves stress and take time for them.

You can make a positive impact in just a few hours that can ripple for years to come. Just make sure to “put on your own mask first before saving others.”